International Women’s Day is March 8, and I love the celebration. I love the flowers, the shout-outs, the “women are powerful” posts.
But let me ask the question many of us avoid—especially high-achieving women:
If the applause stopped… would you still recognize yourself?
Not your resume. Not your title. Not the role you play in everyone else’s life. I mean you.
Because for many women, validation doesn’t just feel good… it becomes how we live—our oxygen. And when applause becomes your oxygen, you start living like this:
- Performing strength instead of being safe
- Staying “put together” instead of being honest
- Collecting compliments but losing yourself
- Looking successful while feeling disconnected
The quiet trap: performance vs authenticity
A lot of women were raised on a hidden belief system:
“If I’m valuable or beautiful, I’ll be affirmed.” “If I’m needed or always giving, I’ll be loved.” “If I’m impressive or rich, I’ll be safe.”
And the world rewards that. It rewards the woman who keeps showing up. The one who doesn’t complain. The one who “handles it.”
But here’s the truth: applause is a terrible identity. Applause is loud, but it’s temporary. If your identity is attached to what people clap for, you will keep performing—even when you’re tired, hurting, and lonely.
My story: when I became “the strong one” by default
There’s a part of my story I don’t often relish. For most of the first 13 years of my marriage, my husband lived out of the country for work. That meant there were seasons I was running everything. And I mean everything.
- At the bank: A full-time career as an assistant branch manager—overseeing tellers, bankers, operations, and more.
- At home: Raising 2 to 4 very young children (depending on the year..lol), managing every decision, and every emergency.
- At church: Leading in women’s ministry, while serving in student and prayer ministries, plus various committees and other responsibilities.
I became the woman people counted on. The one who “always figures it out.” I was quick to give financial, spiritual, emotional and physical help, but I rarely asked for any.
People clapped for that. They admired it. I heard: “How do you handle it all?” “You are so strong.” “You are so generous.”
And while I enjoyed the applause, what people didn’t see was what that lifestyle can do to a woman:
It can make you competent, but not necessarily connected. It can make you productive, but not necessarily present.
It can make you reliable, but not necessarily known.
I went through a hard season—a business failure that almost took us under. It was then I realized: When you lose the thing people applaud… you meet the part of you that was never built on God. That’s where the real work starts.
God knew you before you achieved anything This is why I want to talk about being “Known”—anchored in a different foundation: God knowing you before the achievement. Before the business, the marriage, the motherhood, the ministry, or the money.
On November 11, 2018, I got a revelation from Exodus 33:17: “I know you by name.” Not “I know your performance.” Not “I know your productivity.” Not “I know your public image.” By Name.
This is why I want to talk about being known—anchored in a different foundation: God knowing you before the achievement. Before the business, the marriage, the motherhood, the ministry, or the money.
On November 11, 2018, I got a revelation from this scripture—Exodus 33:17: “I know you by name.”
Not “I know your performance.” Not “I know your productivity.” Not “I know your public image.”
By Name.
That means your identity isn’t something you earn. It’s something you receive. And receiving is the hardest thing to do for women who were trained only to survive.
International Women’s Day: Let’s celebrate women, then let’s free them.
This year, I don’t just want women celebrated. I want women released.
- Released from the pressure to be everything to everyone.
- Released from the fear of disappointing people.
- Released from the addiction to being needed.
Because a woman can be applauded and still be empty. A woman can be honored and still be hiding. Does this sound like you? It certainly was me eight years ago.
So here’s my IWD question:
Are we clapping for women’s achievements… while ignoring women’s wholeness? A “Be Known” check-in (try this today)
- Who am I when nobody needs me?
- What part of me is exhausted from performing?
- If I stopped proving, what would I finally feel?
- Do I know myself… or only the version of me that gets affirmed?
And here’s the core tension again: If the applause stopped, would you still recognize yourself?
The truth about the standing ovation:
Let me say this plainly and from personal experience—especially to the woman who is always “the strong one” or “the super woman”:
You don’t have to audition for love. Not with God. Not with the right people. Not in the life you’re called to live.
You were never created to be a brand. I don’t care what social media says. You were created to be a whole person. Period.
So yes, we celebrate women on March 8… but let’s also challenge the systems and habits that make women feel like they must perform to belong.
Let’s stop raising girls to be impressive and start raising women to be whole. Because applause was never supposed to be the measure of a woman.
The most powerful woman in the room isn’t the one everyone applauds… It’s the one who KNOWS who she is without it.
See you next week… as we talk about “Be You.”
